I checked into specifics on the options a family has when a loved one dies with an “e-presence” out in cyberspace.               Here is a short list of the most common websites and how they handle accounts of people who have died.

Facebook
Facebook gives you a couple of options.     You can close the account or turn the account into a memorial where friends and family can leave notes or comments about the person.   Privacy is set to friends and family only and the profile become unsearchable, all personal sensitive information is stripped out of the profile and it prevents anyone from ever logging into it again.    To  create a memorial, you have to fill out their online form and submit a proof of death such as an obituary or news article about the person proving that they are, in fact, dead.    The link to the Facebook form to do this.    http://www.facebook.com/help/contact.php?show_form=deceased       or contact them directly to close the account (also submitting the appropriate proof of death.

If you come across a person on Linked-in who is deceased or if you have a family member who is deceased, you will need to notify Customer Service that the Profile still exists and may need to be removed. They request that you provide any important information about the deceased member that will help their Privacy Department in in investigating and acting on the account accordingly. Items to provide in your email would be one or two of the following:

1. An Obituary Link
2. A Death Notice
3. Consular Report of Death
4. Death Certificate

Per Google’s Website, you have to submit via fax or email a list of required documents to get access to the account.     I found information on what to do on their website -
http://mail.google.com/support/bin/answer.py?hl=en&answer=14300 .

I have read where Flickr (a photo sharing website) keeps the sites open but prevents any kind of access to photos marked Private.      They are owned by Yahoo now, and I was unable to find the issue addressed anywhere on their website.    The information was difficult to find, so you would have to contact them directly.

My Space gives you a couple of options also.   You can submit a request along with the required information to remove the profile or you can create a group profile (memorial) and link it to the deceased persons profile.      I found information at this location.     http://faq.myspace.com/app/answers/detail/a_id/369/kw/deceased%20person/r_id/100061

These are just a few of the most common websites where you may hold a membership.   If you have a business or a personal website, you also want to be sure and record who your host is and how to contact them in case of your death.       Online presence can last for years and maybe indefinitely, so this is just one more thing to include in your survivorship plan.   Let your family know where your footprints are in cyberspace to manage your presence responsibly.

THE STORY OF CONFUSION AND MANIPULATION - Befriending a woman for control over her estate.
My friend is the granddaughter of long time, prominent figure in Dallas.    She began to tell me about the most chilling story of her grandmother who was befriended by a cast of characters who eventually manipulated her into giving them complete control over her life and belongings.     Over the course of a few years, two guys in the antique business  befriended her and started convincing her that her daughter and family did not want the best for her and that they would take care of her.     In 2005, after suffering a fall, they went to her hospital bed with an attorney and convinced her to sign a new power of attorney and will giving them complete control over everything.       They even had the gall to video the process for credibility.

Once in the driver’s seat, they began cutting off  access to her.    My friend said that was the last she was ever able to reach her grandmother.   Apparently, they were after this poor woman’s estate home worth about a million dollars.    My friend’s mother (the elderly woman’s daughter) lives out of state and was never able to convince her mother to sell the home and move in with her.    She was determined to stay in Dallas.     Without family members around, the woman was a target for such criminal activity.

To see the complete story written up by ABC news, click here.   Hold on to your seat, you are going to be appalled when you see the video of the 2 men and their attorney filming her signing the legal documents!

ANOTHER STORY 24 HOURS LATER – $40,000 taken by a stranger.
I was relating this story to a group of people over dinner the next night only to find out that this happened to another  friend of mine’s mother who had Alzheimers disease.    She said some random woman befriended her and somehow made off with $40,000.    I asked if she had reported it and she said with her mother’s confusion, they couldn’t begin to track her down.       She worked with her mother’s CPA and they were certain of the unaccounted for funds, but felt there was no way to catch the person responsible.

AND YET ANOTHER STORY – Money being taken by the son.
A few weeks ago, I was talking to another friend of mine who let me know the family thinks one of the sons is taking money from their father’s account while the father is sick in the hospital.     The suspicions have been aroused by money missing from the accounts reported by one of the other siblings.

Three stories, all unrelated, but all with the same theme of elder exploitation – a cancer growing in our society.  I was knocked off my feet by the statistics of this crime as reported by the Adult Protective Services in Texas.  In Fiscal Year 2008, Adult Protective Services completed 68,683 investigations of abuse, neglect, or exploitation involving adults living at home. Of these, 48,380 were confirmed.

If you have a family member who lives out of state and doesn’t have a trusted family member in the same town looking out for them, consider the risk of this rising crime.      No matter how well you have planned for survivorship, there are forces at work to the contrary.    I will be adding links to my site under the LINK AND READ for further resources on this topic.   I felt compelled to get the word out on this problem.

As I work with clients documenting the details of their wishes for their personal items, I come across a lot of things that could easily end up
in a garage sale by mistake “waiting to make someone’s day.”     The generation coming up stands to inherit not only large sums of money, but true works of art or collector’s items.      So what happens when the time comes for the family to transition the items?     How do you split up valuable pieces of art between siblings?   Worse is when the family doesn’t know the value of items in the house and hires someone to just sell it all because they don’t have time to deal with it.    (thus the newsworthy garage sale finds)

I recently had coffee with two of the most interesting ladies who own Whimsey Appraisals to learn more about the value and process of getting an appraisal.     Kristel and Glenda Overfelt are extremely sharp ladies with a skill for appraising anything from antiques to fine art.       I was amazed at what I learned over coffee and thought I would share it with you.

What is an appraisal?
An appraisal is a professional estimate of the value of something.    People usually have items appraised for insurance purposes, tax strategies, estate planning and settlement, etc.     I was surprised to learn that in order for an appraisal to stand up in court, there are specific things that need to be in an appraisal report.     This is the difference between a written statement of value and true appraisal report.

Value of a True Appraisal Report
Many times family members come in to do an inventory for the probate court when a loved one passes away.   They assign what they think things are worth for the sake of the estate settlement.     Glenda told me that it is common they go to appraise someone’s valuables, and the values assigned to the items are not close to what they should be – either over or under an appraisal price.     A lot of times it will alter the course the family takes – either keep the item or sell the item through a channel other than a garage or estate sale.    A good appraiser should be able to help you with information on how to go about selling valuable items and your options for asset disposition.        I am currently working with a client who has many works of fine art and it will be a true challenge for his heirs to split up and dispose of the property in an equitable fashion.     Unfortunately, I think this will have an impact on his heirs after he is gone.

If you have valuables that need to be insured, you will also need a professional appraisal report to stand up to an insurance claim.   If you have a 14th century chair you insured for $5000, then you will have to prove the value of that chair if your home burns down or it is stolen.     Values can be nebulous when it comes to settling an insurance claim.    Better to be safe than sorry later for not being able to defend it.

There are a lot more reasons for getting an appraisal report such as settling a divorce, donating to valuables to a  charity for tax write-off purposes, downsizing your estate or even if you want to purchase an object.  Since I am in the planning business, I am especially interested in the process and value of appraisals in estate and survivorship planning.

It is a true challenge facing the next generation – what to do with all that stuff!    There are emotional obligations being passed down along with the responsibility to dispose of it wisely for the benefit of the heirs.       Addressing the value of your personal belongings now, as well as the disposition of your property, will lessen the load on your family when you are gone.     Your lack of  planning could end up in the news when someone purchases your extremely valuable painting for a few dollars in your family’s garage sale.

HOW ARE PERSONAL POSSESSIONS TO BE DISTRIBUTED
During my friend’s last visit for the memorial service, she and her sister had a couple of “visitors” to the condo.    One was a neighbor who dropped by to tell them that she really needed a vacuum cleaner and a microwave.    The other one was a friend of her Mom’s who promptly went into the kitchen and started opening cupboards saying how she always liked those green dishes and she wanted them (for a price of course).    Talk about the audacity of people swooping in on the goods without a care about what the two daughters were going through.     I was dumbfounded by the craziness.

That brought us to the discussion and difficult question she had,  “What do I do with all of my Mom’s personal things so that I can honor her memory?”   My recommendations were as follows:

Best Case Scenario – designate who gets what before you pass away
The person who owns the things should create a list of special bequests within the will or go ahead and arrange to give away the items while the person is still alive.     This is getting to be more common, if and only if, the people allow themselves the option and clarity of planning in advance.

After The Fact – set up guidelines for distributing the property
When trying to objectively dispose of personal property, lay out some guidelines of priorities to keep yourself from feeling pressured.
For example:

1. Children and direct family get the things that mean something to them and is agreed upon by all family members.
2. Then close friends of the deceased along with distant relatives may be queried for things that they would like to have.
3. For valuable items left over, you may want to think about bequests to museums and art galleries so that many can enjoy the items.    Or, think about locating a consignment shop for selling the item directly.
4. Finally, charity, neighbors and garage sales for all the things left over after meeting the guidelines above.

On a final note:    My friend was still wrestling with honoring her mother through her things.      The first year after a death is a significant emotional transition.     If you feel you have the luxury of time, hold on to the things until you feel you can let them go without regret.     It is natural to see your loved one “in their things” and time will speak to you and soothe you into doing what is right.    After all, things are just things, and memories and the love you have for your family will last forever.    Think about it…….

Here are a few things you can do to keep your family off of the estate battleground:

1.   Note specific bequests in your estate plan.    If you leave all of your personal things to be split between your children equally, disagreements can flare up quickly if more than one of them has their eye on certain items.  (it seems improbable, but it happens frequently)

2.  If you have personal loans between family members, specify the terms in case of death explicitly!  This is a HOT issue in families today.

3.  Communicate your plans to your family directly.   It’s better hearing it from you than a reading of your will.

4.  If your estate plan is confidential, make a brief video explaining your reasoning behind your will.

5.  Do not depend on conversations only to communicate to your family.    Time has a way of fading the true color of your wishes.    Write it down!

Plan it, document it and communicate it!    It’s a simple concept with a HUGE impact.

This happened to me this week.      A bank in San Antonio mailed a signature form to me by regular mail to change the authorization to my aunt’s checking account.   They called me in February to verify my address.    I still had not received the “signature cards” in March.     My aunt finally went down there and had them make up some new ones and my aunt sent them to me certified mail.   To my surprise, when I received them, I was shocked!  These were not just signature cards, they were full new account forms.      Every piece of information needed for identity theft had been on the form and it had all the information on there for 3 people!    I was astounded that such information was “casually” sent through the mail in hopes that it would get here.   Over the past few years, I have seen more mistakes with the mail than I care to document, and banks are using it on a regular basis as a vehicle for your highly protected information.   I called the bank and started running my concern up the chain of command only to be told that my aunt’s account was very compromised and she needed to open a new one and that they did this all the time and only NOW did they understand “concern over security of your information.”   I told them to read their fraud statement on their own website and tell me how it is only now they are concerned about it.   How frustrating is that?      So a word to the wise.   

If you are working with a bank or financial institution on such matters, make sure they do not send any vital information through the mail system.    There are more secure ways to transfer that information.     Offer to pay for it.   You will be way ahead in keeping your information secure.     Customer beware!

Many people think that they have it all wrapped up with their legal documents in place; when in fact, the administration of an estate can be extremely taxing on their executor and/or families if details have not been  communicated.   Face it, our lives are like a complex piece of machinery.   There are lots of moving parts, some parts more critical than others, but without any instructions on what you are supposed to do with the machine when it is no longer in operation requires an instruction manual for disassembly.   Otherwise, it’s just a frustrating pile of pieces and parts.

You may want to add these to your “instruction manual”:

1. Online Accounts that don’t always have a paper trail such as online banks, investment accounts and even gambling accounts with current balances can easily be overlooked.
2. Valuable items without proper documentation can easily be mistaken for garage sale wares.
3. Let someone know you have a hidden stash.   Hidden valuables can accidentally be thrown out or donated.
4. Specific instructions on the disposition of personal items to specific individuals are often subject to individual interpretation. (can you say family fight over Mom’s antique clock?)
5. Tell your family about your safe deposit box at the bank and also where the keys are to the box.   Safe deposit boxes at banks are often forgotten along with the location of the keys.
6. Don’t wait for your family to discover automatic payments coming out of your bank account.   Automatic bank authorizations for various memberships, churches, on-going services, etc. will need to be addressed quickly.

Could your family figure out your machine?    Now, are you ready? Or not?

Survivorship Now works with clients to create comprehensive plans for their families in the event of death or disability.    Anticipating what your family needs to know requires attention to detail and careful planning. The more detail you leave behind can make a passing what it should be, a day of remembrance for family and friends, not a time of organizational and financial panic.

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Legacy Planner’s Breakfast

What if you or your parents died suddenly?
Would your family have all the information needed for a smooth transition or would there
be chaos, confusion and potentially hard feelings that could last for years?

If you want to create a plan for your family or elderly parents,
you don’t want to miss this!     Take notes, ask questions and learn
about things you may not have considered vital to a comprehensive plan.

Have a cup of coffee, a bite to eat, and listen to 6 speakers
presenting information on the various aspects of planning.

All proceeds will be benefitting Family Eldercare of Austin.

Saturday, April 10th
8:30AM – 12:30PM
Norris Conference Center

EARLY BIRD DISCOUNTS ARE AVAILABLE NOW!

Click here for more information on the great event!

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SEMINARS AND WORKSHOPS

LEARN how to create  and maintain a plan for your family.
UNDERSTAND potential challenges your family will face.
CREATE a plan to avoid the common pitfalls.
GAIN peace of mind knowing your family has a plan.

For more information, see Seminars.
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The subject of embalming has come up several times in my planning sessions.    Essentially, people curdle at the thought of some chemicals being pumped into their bodies after they are gone.    However, they never think to let their family know their preferences ahead of time.   It’s important because someone WILL have to make that decision.

I was on a radio talk show in the Spring and the question came up if there are any cemeteries in Texas that allow you to have a green burial.     The first and only one I have been able to locate is in Huntsville, TX.    It’s called the Ethician Family Cemetery.    I just thought you might want to know!